You Needed Me
by drgemini86
Summary: Daniel looks back over the years at how Sam has always been there for him. Daniel's PoV. SamDaniel


_**You Needed Me, by DrGemini86 (DrGemini24)**_

_**Summary: **__Daniel looks back over the years at how Sam has always been there for him. Daniel's PoV. SamDaniel_

_**Pairing: **__SamDaniel_

_**Rating: **__T_

_**Category: **__Established Relationship_

_**Genres: **__A/U, Family, Friendship, Romance-focussed, SongFic, Thoughts._

_**Spoilers: **__seasons 1-10 _

_**A/N: **__Lyrics featured are You Needed Me by Boyzone._

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"_I cried a tear  
You wiped it dry  
I was confused  
You cleared my mind..._"

Sam's always been there for me, even over the years that we were just friends, bringing me back from the brink of completely losing it and ending up like Nick. If there had been just one person who had been the voice of moderation, the voice of reason, it had always been her. And I guess that no matter how many languages I may speak from around this planet and far beyond, I will never be able to convey to her just how grateful I am, and how much of a wonderful friend she has been through friendship, countless wars and unimaginable destruction, and ultimately romance and a family life. Bringing up babies, believe me, can be far foreboding than what it was like to face off the Goa'uld and the Ori sometimes.__

"_I sold my soul  
You bought it back for me  
And helped me up  
And gave me dignity  
Somehow you needed me..._"

After Sha're passed away, Jack and Teal'c were both there for me to talk to, to share memories and thoughts with, but I got the impression that despite their best attempts, they couldn't totally help. At least Teal'c would share stories about Drey'auc... especially after discovering that she had passed away. Jack would just be there... which was great. I appreciated that and I still do. He was helping in his own way. That poor man... he just couldn't bring his emotional walls down enough to really open up to me, to allow for a two-way discourse of the emotional.

Perhaps it was partially because of her gender... and nowhere near as scarred as Jack or as sombre as Teal'c... that she could reach out to me, and in turn share so much with me along the way. From the beginning even, she was there... forcing me to go to sleep instead of staying up and worrying about finding Sha're.

She was there after Teal'c had had to kill Sha're... it had been such a bad time. I had worked so hard to find her and had to lose her again once Shifu had been born, only to find her one last time just to lose her once again. I am ashamed about the things that I did then, despite the dream that Sha're had given me via the hand device. It didn't take me long to forgive Teal'c... and to be honest, there was nothing to forgive. If anything, I needed his forgiveness for hitting him in the Commissary when we came back. He saved my life... and he saved Sha're from the endless torment of being trapped in her own body. Sam had been the moderating influence then, and to her credit, she has put up with a lot, then and since.

_  
_"_You gave me strength  
To stand alone again  
To face the world  
Out on my own again  
You put me high  
Upon a pedestal  
So high that I could almost see eternity  
You needed me  
You needed me..._"

After I returned from Vis Uban, she was there for me yet again. Sometimes I would catch her looking at me with such a sad expression. She would never tell me why, and it was only later that she finally told me that it was because she had been upset that she hadn't merited a visit from me when I was Ascended.

I find that hard to believe... after everything we had shared before then, and since. Why wouldn't I visit her? Maybe I did and she didn't know... because I imagine that if I did somehow jump in on her... I wouldn't have been able to go back. I must have watched over at her at least. I hope so. Because not doing so would have been callous of me... and I could never be callous towards her... ok, well, except when I got hooked to that Sarcophagus and got engaged whilst still being married. Looking back, I wonder how I could have done that... and it scares me how close I came to blowing Jack's head off, and how willing I had been to sacrifice so much.__

"_And I can't believe it's you  
I can't believe it's true  
I needed you  
And you were there  
And I'll never leave; why should I leave?  
I'd be a fool  
'cos I finally found someone who really cares  
You needed me..._"

As she gave me love and compassion, I came to realise and appreciate that she did all this despite her own pain. Over the course of her life, including the Stargate programme when we all lost so much, she had lost a lot too. For years, it pained me to think that she could love Jack, a man who couldn't love her back, who couldn't give her what she needed... and I wondered how she could have been so blind.

It makes me laugh now... and when I bring it up, she hits me. But it makes sense now. She didn't love him that way, and he knew... but neither were willing to talk about it, to broach the subject, to put an end to it all once and for all. Maybe Sam was scared that it would be too hard to vocally reject someone who has been hurt so much. Maybe Jack was concerned that bringing it out into the open would change everything... so they just kept it to the safe, for them at least, tactic of slight awkwardness and looks that were open to interpretation.

Sometimes I wonder why I had to fall in love with someone so complex, who can be surprisingly emotionally reclusive when she wants to be... or at least she tries to be that way. She's nowhere near hurt enough to actually carry it off the way Jack does.__

"_You held my hand  
When it was cold  
When I was lost  
You took me home  
You gave me hope  
When I was at the end  
And turned my lies  
Back into truth again  
You even called me friend..._"

In giving so much love, she drew comfort from sharing things with me... memories of her mother, stories of things she did to her brother... I love being in love with her, being married to her. I've never had that sort of a relationship with anyone before where we can share anything at all... anything whatsoever. Perhaps this deep friendship and love that we have was forged during those early years of fighting side-by-side, experiencing loss and pain together and apart. I miss those days when the four of us would go through the 'gate, not always knowing what was on the other side. Jack always said that I managed to be the one who got injured most of the time for 'being too damn friendly and naïve' but sometimes I wonder whether he has male PMS half the time.__

"_You gave me strength  
To stand alone again  
To face the world  
Out on my own again  
You put me high  
Upon a pedestal  
So high that I could almost see eternity  
You needed me  
You needed me..._"

Without Sam, without her strong and steady support these past twenty years, I wouldn't be here now. She saved my soul... she saved me so many times, and it scares me to think that if she leaves me tomorrow, I'll never have told her that. I'll never have told her just how wonderful she's been. But I can come to some sort of a compromise there. I could spend every day telling her. Perhaps, in the long distance future, looking back, she might understand in part just how I feel.

So as I sit here while my eldest daughter, Grace, body tackles Mitchell's son in the grass for taunting her; while the twins, Jake and Janet conspire and plot to cause more mischief, and while my youngest, Claire drools down the front of my favourite shirt in her sleep, I look over at the happy face of the person who saved my life, and gave me everything I could have wanted, plus more. She deserves to know how I feel... and I promise to tell her a lot more.

– **Fin **

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

_Thanks for reading!_


End file.
